Film Review - Cobweb (2023)

Jump scares, strange noises, creepy old houses, unbearable suspense …. just some of the reasons why horror films never go out of fashion. Last week’s The Blackening took huge delight in affectionately sending up all the tropes that go with the genre, but in this week’s Cobweb we’re back to basics. All the conventions are there – plus a dark and sinister basement, mysterious parents and just the right amount of gore – but the film plays it absolutely straight.

You have to feel sorry for Peter (Woody Norman). He’s a nice kid but quiet and that makes him the target for the school bullies. He’s also woken up every night by strange noises in his bedroom wall, and then the beguiling voice of somebody who claims to be his sister. There’s also something decidedly dodgy about his parents, who are caring one moment and then cruel the next. Inevitably, the voice gets her way, persuading Peter to set her free, something he instantly regrets once he realises her true nature. So do the bullies who break into his house at Halloween and have an unfortunate run-in with her. But how can he get his sinister sibling back under control?

We all know the feeling – the one that goes with knowing what’s coming next, not wanting to watch but still being hooked by what’s happening on screen. Or there’s that delicious tingle down the spine. And a slightly faster heartbeat. They’re all here in Cobweb, especially those futile attempts at looking away from the screen. It takes the whole horror bag of tricks and uses just about everything in there – and does it well. What it doesn’t do is anything different or adventurous – it’s no Talk To Me – but it cranks up the suspense, and the resulting enjoyment level throughout its 88 minutes running time. At that length, it never outstays its welcome, even if the final third occasionally feels a touch stretched.

But there’s a downside to debut director Samuel Bodin’s “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” approach. What we’re watching is so familiar that it feels uninspired and almost by the numbers. Effective though it may be at giving us all the essential feels, it’s also full of ideas that we’ve seen in other films – and, in the main, we’ve seen them done better. At its best when the emphasis is on the psychological, it eventually gives in to the temptation of gore, but is restrained enough to prevent us from seeing what actually happens to the victims. Only the end results are revealed. And messy they most certainly are.

As Peter, the appealing Woody Norman (C’mon C’mon) is a definite asset, as is The Boys’ favourite villain, Antony Starr, as his father. But ultimately it’s an old fashioned “something nasty in the woodshed” horror with no pretentions to be otherwise. Which makes it fun to watch and enjoyably scary. If only the director had put his check list on one side and used a bit of imagination ……